@emilygabaldon

What kind of dessert do ghosts always come back for??

A Boo Meringue

You Might Also Like

@amydillon

Not sure if I should be more concerned about the son who locked me out of my bedroom today, or the one who showed me how to pick the lock.

@perlhack

Awww yeah it’s almost 4:20 you know what that means

(I need to go for a walk NOW bc it’s gonna be dark in 30 minutes)

@ShortSleeveSuit

ME: I have very bad gas

BRITISH LADY [holding her nose]: omg what

ME: sorry I have very bad petrol

@jctwritesstuff

Me: I should tell him how I feel.
Beer: Nah.
Vodka: Just be sweet about it.
Whiskey: Or yell it.
Tequila: MAKE SURE YOU CRY GUYS LOVE THAT

@ComedicBust

Me: Ugh, there’s always issues with the wifi!

Mexican grandfather: When I was 6, I fought a pack of wolves crossing the border to America.

@squirrel74wkgn

[looking at pregnancy test]

Her: Well, it’s positive…so weird

Me: [Flashback to using car keys to open condom wrapper]…so weird

@Storminika

You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn’t used to be?

@bobvulfov

BANK ROBBER: ok hands in the air. nobody move. slide to the left. slide to the right. take it back now y’all. one hop this time

@FINALLEVEL

Lol.. The Parrot is sticking to the code and won’t talk… Lol… I’m done.

@Leslie_Annie

Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.

Thank you. I’ll be here all night.