Roger sounds like my kind of guy.
What kind of emotional tailspin causes people to “like” Lysol on Facebook?
You Might Also Like
The Samsung Galaxy is a cool phone if you don’t mind carrying around a 42″ screen.
wife: [holding our new puppy] aw, don’t scare him
me: there are 18 million vacant homes in the US, that’s enough for every homeless person to have six
puppy: holy shit
WIFE: the kitchen is burning to the ground! we have to call the fire marshall!
ME [to the fire]: MARSHALL! STOP BURNING MY KITCHEN
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
Me: Thank god bears can’t climb trees, I should be safe here.
Bear: *shoots a grappling hook* Think again pal!
Gonna start wearing exclusively white jeans. With lots of zippers on them. No pockets, just so many zippers.
Me: *leads her to bedroom* This is where the magic happens.
*4 rabbits jump out of a hat as a flower squirts water in her eye
The Cheesecake Factory is finally coming to Canada!
…now I can stop being so nice to the Americans.
My favorite thing to do at the library is leave browser tabs open with search results for “best way to clean vomit off a keyboard??”