@Molly_Kats

What kind of emotional tailspin causes people to “like” Lysol on Facebook?

You Might Also Like

@andylassner

The Samsung Galaxy is a cool phone if you don’t mind carrying around a 42″ screen.

@AndrewChamings

wife: [holding our new puppy] aw, don’t scare him

me: there are 18 million vacant homes in the US, that’s enough for every homeless person to have six

puppy: holy shit

@captainkalvis

WIFE: the kitchen is burning to the ground! we have to call the fire marshall!

ME [to the fire]: MARSHALL! STOP BURNING MY KITCHEN

@climaxximus

[Bear attack]

Me: Thank god bears can’t climb trees, I should be safe here.

Bear: *shoots a grappling hook* Think again pal!

@_steamy_mac

Gonna start wearing exclusively white jeans. With lots of zippers on them. No pockets, just so many zippers.

@AmericanGent69

Me: *leads her to bedroom* This is where the magic happens.
Her: Nice
*4 rabbits jump out of a hat as a flower squirts water in her eye

@SexytotheNorth

The Cheesecake Factory is finally coming to Canada!

…now I can stop being so nice to the Americans.

@cee_ryan

My favorite thing to do at the library is leave browser tabs open with search results for “best way to clean vomit off a keyboard??”