What Nasa dont want you to know is those space suits they wear, those are actually bee keepers outfits.
Space is full of bees.
The moon is actually a giant hive, its where we get like 95% of our honey from. Check that moon landing footage again, its not grainy, thats a swarm.
You Might Also Like
[Facebook Marketplace]
Me: Selling this guitar amp.
Guy: I will trade you another guitar amp for it.
Me: How does this make sense in your head?
*gives up being Catholic for Lent*
God: damn it… they’ve found the loophole
me[holding wife’s shirt] Can this go in the dryer?
wife:What does it say on the tag?
me:Gap
wife:The other tag
me:Oh
wife
me:Made in Vietnam
I was having a shitty Thursday. Then my ex texted me. Now I’m having a shitty Valentine’s Day as well.
Young MacDonald had a farm,
Heavy GMO.
The corn’s pest-free but side effects,
Are more or less unknown.
therapist: and what do we do when we are sad?
me: add to cart
therapist: no
The only difference between an outpatient mental health facility and a bar is the lighting.
In Michelin star restaurants, Sloppy Joes are called Untidy Josephs.
Waking up late is a great way to see which steps of your personal hygiene are really unnecessary.
(god creating crows) black. blacker! little beady eyes. deathly squawk
angel: what if there’s a bunch of them
god: MURDER
angel: you ok pal?
Drumpf’s presidential campaign in reverse: an increasingly laughable story of an egomaniac running for an office he couldn’t possibly win
mob boss: stick his body in the compost pile
me: wha
mob boss (grabbing my collar intently): we might be killers, but u only got one earth
someone’s job on Star Trek TNG was sourcing ridiculous little cups and they were incredible at it
*Brings Ouija board to Thanksgiving
Ouija: G O B B L E
me: did you even eat lunch today?
10: yea
me: what’d you have?
10: i haaaaad cheezits, ice cream and a rice crispy treat
me: your mom is gonna kill me.
I just learned that embalmers insert butt plugs into corpses to prevent leakage….
So now I know why zombies walk like they do.
I officially know too much trivia. My wife just told me cream of mushroom soup was introduced in 1934, and now I can’t remember her birthday
My son’s field trip consent form lists walkmans & radios under ‘Optional items.’ Where the hell are they going, 1989??
Does anyone else pack underwear for a trip like they’re planning on shitting themselves twice for every day they’re gone?
Cereal is basically dog food for humans.
If any of you are going Black Friday shopping this week please try and be a decent human being and turn your phone horizontal before recording any fights.
🤦🏻♀️😂😂
Roger Clemens is pitching for a Texas team named the Sugar Land Skeeters? They sound more like an Atlanta Strip Club than a baseball team.
Teenage son gets academic honors every year in school, yet he can’t cut a straight line with a lawnmower. I believe I am being played……
I got fired from being the events coordinator at the local orphanage. I think it’s cause family day never really took off
You’re 11. RT @pepsi: A Pepsi party means _____. #LiveForNow
I wish my car’s back-up camera had a “Save” button, because some of the expressions on their faces.
While we’re all distracted by AI and the fear of a robot uprising, the real enemy is quietly gathering its forces.
It took Marcel only a few meals to realize he didn’t like being a French cat.
ME [trying to convince her I care] I’m so angry the big bed cushions haven’t arrived
WIFE: Throw pillows
M: I’m that angry Karen, I might do