@ReeseButCallMeV: What phone etiquette?! You hand me your phone, you better believe I'ma hurry & scroll through as many pics as I can before you notice.
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@IamJackBoot: Took my kid to a roller rink and strapped on skates for the first time in 30 years. The arcade games, the music, the disco ball; every detail took me straight back to my youth. The only new feature was the ambulance ride.
@rickkondell: Dear autocorrect, please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
@heytherecore: Scientists hard at work to find out what the other 98% of 2% milk is: "Probably not bees," says one scientist. "Dear god what if it's bees?"