*applies for million dollar grant to test scientific theory*
What’s your theory?
That money can buy happiness.
What she said: Honey, I have this GREAT idea.
What I heard: Honey, I have this EXPENSIVE idea.
You Might Also Like
Most problems can be solved by pouring a concrete slab over the person causing the problems.
every snail has a perfectly baked cinnamon bun inside its shell
Me: We’re well stocked with the necessities, let’s not waste food
What my kids hear: Yayy let’s eat, every hour, like it’s a cruise buffet
I’m worried that if there is ever a fire at my house, my kids will ignore the smoke detectors and sit down at the dinner table.
The Reggie-stry of sex offenders requires me to tell you that I just moved into the neighborhood
*slips $5 to the mortician*
Me: How about – stop screaming – how about you give me another 10 minutes, this is a great place to nap.
ad for vacations:
how would you like to feel extremely tired somewhere else
*slides a cheese slice with my number written on it in your pocket*
Slept with my makeup and now my pillow looks like the shroud of Revlon.