Why is it called an exorcist’s holy water and not disinfecthaunt?
“What should we call ourselves?”
How about 22 pilots?
“Idk. Seems like an awful lot of pilots”
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[son comes home with big lump on his forehead]
ME: Oh no, what happened?
7: I fell down on the playground.
ME: How did you fall?
Me: in a parallel world I am a huge success
Medic: please stop moving your arm so we can get it out of the vending machine
Time heals everything 🙂
Writing cuss words on the white space of textbook pages is marginally offensive.
Ian: “I baked you a pie to say sorry for backing over your cat in my car.”
Tim: “You did what?!”
Ian: “Baked you a pie.”
Cop: [aiming gun] Neither of you move
Imposter disguised as me: He’s the one you want, kill him…
Me: [knowing my wife bought a drum kit for our sons birthday] He is correct
Che Guevara was such a revolutionary. He revolutionized the t-shirt sales.
If you think my grey hair tells a story, you should see the unmarked graves in my back yard.
A lot of people think my handle is my actual name but it isn’t. My real name is Rachel Onomatopoeia.