Me: You’re on my VERY LAST NERVE!
“What should we name them?”
“And what about these?”
“I see. So one is a larger version of another?”
Not at all
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You gotta feel for kids today, growing up in a world where all the good screen names are already taken
God- I want an animal with 2 humps
Angel- And a cute face?
G- Yes.. And make them spit at humans
I’m gonna make a photo editing type program that makes you look like a Hobbit and call it Frodoshop.
Never turn your back while kids are in the bath.
Those punks are gonna dump a whole bottle of shampoo in for mega bubble bath
Coworker: These heels are killing my feet but they’re so cute.
Me: These ugly Sketchers I’m wearing have insides made out of memory foam.
Him: Brunch tomorrow?
Me: No, I’ll be asleep.
Him: What time will you be awake?
Me: I don’t understand the question.
Nicholson: You want answers?!
Cruise: I want the truth!!
Nicholson: YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
Cruise: mmk… how bout a little hint?
“Where do babies comes from?”
Well, son, when a man and a woman love each other very much they make poor decisions.
It’s like Grandma used to say, “All men are hilarious, until you marry one.”