@Aspersioncast: What sort of tape measure does the guy from The Guinness Book of Records use to measure the worlds longest tape measure?
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@InternetHippo: [halloween at the retirement home where i work] Boss: You can’t wear that costume here Me (leaning on my scythe): Why not
@GorillaNipples1: [Work Lunchroom] Co-worker: Man, remember when we we were poor and used to eat things like Mac n Cheese with hotdog at every meal? Me: *slowly closing my bag lunch* *nervous chuckle* Haha. Yeah totally.
@GetCougarized: I'm not only the woman your Mother warned you about, I'm the one your Father highly recommended.