@Aspersioncast: What sort of tape measure does the guy from The Guinness Book of Records use to measure the worlds longest tape measure?
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@MattMcC1: *extremely loudly* WELCOME TO MY TED TALK ON USING SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING FOR ADVERTISING. *whispers* cheerios
@McNevich: Total shocker that you actually have to pay for things when you get to the register. Go ahead and dump your purse on the counter. We'll wait
@bombsydoll: Problem: I hate peeing alone, sleeping, & nobody talks to me about random nonsense Solution: kids
@ThisOneSayz: *Standing in my shower* I wasn't being attacked, I was just really trying to hit that Mariah Carey note, officer.