“Whatcha inventing?”
“I call it a picnic. It’s a meal but outside with bugs and a high risk of bear attack.”
“Can I bring my kids?”

You Might Also Like


[hits you in the face with newspaper]

“Sorry, I thought your eyebrows were caterpillars.”


Her: Hello, Sex Addict Hotline

Me: Help please

Her: Ok sir. Let’s take some breaths. Deep. Slow. In and out



I just found my first full length gray hair. If anyone needs me, I’ll be at the senior center playing bingo.


Angel: So the sins are deadly.

God: Yep!

Angel: So like, do you die if you commit one?

God: Well, no.

Angel: So why call them deadly?

God: It’s like *waving arms* spooky, you know?


“Thanks, you’ve been a wonderful host!”

– Viruses


“Oh, you decided to close your bedroom door with me on the outside? Allow me to sing you the song of my people.”

-my cat


Wu-Tang is my favorite 15 person rap group and reaction to a beverage.


*kills time while waitimg for train*
oh no with time dead the train will never arrive