“anyone for turkey burgers?”
turkey: well sure haha
“oh, it’s not a burger for turkeys”
turkey: what is it then
turkey: say it
“Whatever we do, let’s make sure it takes forever” – soccer players
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Her: Let’s just drop it.
Her: I just find it funny how…
Me: *opens car door and shoulder rolls out into traffic*
“I just threw up in my mouth a little.” – Cows
you either don’t eat cereal for months or you eat 3 bowls in one night there is no in between
Every mega rich guy has been or is becoming super interested in ways to get off of the planet. Seems fine
I don’t want to be cremated when I die. I want my body thrown on a group of unsuspecting, cocky teens in a haunted house.
“Let’s check in with Ted our correspondent in the field.”
Ted: “Hey Bob I’ve been in this field for about an hour, and I’m super bored.”
Pizza Boy: Hark! I hast brought thine order
Lusty Wench: Alas, I hath not a tuppence to pay for thy cheesed bread! Mayhap there is some other way thou canst get thine…pound of flesh?
Pizza Boy: Gadzooks! *funky lute music begins*
“Do you like Tolstoy?”
“Of course. Who doesn’t?”
“What’s your favourite book?”
“The one where Woody is kidnapped & Buzz tries to save him”.