“What’s a good gift for someone who has everything?”
Meth. Next year they’ll have nothing it’ll be easier.
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*releases swarm of killer wasps*
*wasps fly off harmlessly in all directions*
– Hmm… time for plan bee
Sure your baby’s cute but have you ever seen a chihuahua with the hiccups?
Boss: I suspect one of you is dead
[Everyone looks at me, except for Paul, who is not moving at all]
Guys who resent their friends for not sharing their hair products are gel less.
Google: Wow. I’m right here
My kid just locked me out of the house in 95 degree weather, but sure, “it goes by so fast.”
HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA WANT TO KNOW IF YOU REALLY PLAN ON WEARING THAT
St. Peter: Why should I let you into heaven?
Me: Once a coworker said “supposably” 7 times in a meeting & I just let her
StP: Get in here