How are they committing internet crimes from the space station when I can’t get a decent signal in my kitchen.
What’s being in love feel like? You know when someone cancels plans you wanted to cancel anyway? Almost as good as that.
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Me:*hits rock bottom* welp, it can’t get any worse
Rock bottoms older brother: Is this the guy that hit you
Me: ᴼʰ ⁿᵒ
She wears short skirts
I eat pizza
She’s cheer captain
And I’m still eating pizza
“Snitches get stitches”
Cute little rhyme..
However I believe,
“Snitches never wake up again”
is more likely to deter snitching…
[magician rolls over in bed]
“Last night was amazing”
Woman: Magical. Make me breakfast?
Magician: [waves magic wand, eats her]
If only people were named after their tattoo’s.
This guy standing in front of me in Petro Canada Would be named Machine gun-Snake-Jesus.
The past two Fridays after school I have seen the same group of teens walking home with a store cake and I would like to know how I get in on this Friday cake club.
My favourite way to cut carbs is with a knife.
Who him? Oh that’s just jimmy, I pay him to follow me around and inter-
INTERRUPT MY SENTENCES WITH SAXOPHONE SOLOS.
Her: I have a funeral to go to but I don’t have a date yet.
Me: Aw, you can’t go alone?
She meant the date of the funeral.
I know that now