What’s faster than the speed of light?

A female untagging herself from an unflattering photo.

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Man Derives Depressing Amount Of Pride From Hometown Burger Chain


I’ve never actually finished the song “Rock Your Body” by Justin Timberlake because I’m afraid I’ll be naked by the end.


Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn’t think of this.


My husband said we should have a ‘date night’

I wonder why he didn’t like it when I introduced him to my date? Husbands, go figure.


Turns out if you scream for no reason long enough, you get the rest of the day off from work.


I wish there was something called the pizza/enchilada/beer diet where you lost weight. Cause I’m on it and that’s not what’s happening.


I am so sorry to hear about your grandma… I know what you’re going through my phone dies all the time.


Me: ‘Why are you going through my phone?’

BF: ‘Do you have something to hide?’

Me: ‘I’m gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.’