if the grim reaper is any indication, the afterlife is mostly farming
What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for money?
I’ll go first: I went to college.
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Just saw the book “Marriage for Dummies.”
Shouldn’t there be an “is” in there somewhere?
Me: Its a bear! Quick play dead!
*falls down and covers himself with leaves*
Her: We’re in a zoo!!
Parent Fact: Sugar makes kids crazy.
Grandparent Fact: Vengeance is mine.
Whole Foods just notified me that I’ve won a “Lifetime Supply of Fresh Kale” which in my case is one kale.
this is anya, she’s better at jenga than i could ever hope to be
i like how at the end of old movies it says ‘the end’ so you arent horrorstruck by the thought of a fictional universe persisting unobserved
“zombies aren’t real zombies aren’t real zombies aren’t real zombies aren’t real”
– me, walking my dog at night
Lol.. The Parrot is sticking to the code and won’t talk… Lol… I’m done.
police: im sorry to both of you. your son set the school on fire.
police: yes, your son.