Took our cat to the vet today and, once again, she “forgot” her wallet.
What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for money?
I’ll go first: I went to college.
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You’re born, you grow up, have kids, Mick Jagger is still alive, you die, your kids have kids, Mick Jagger is still alive……
Top three reasons he doesn’t text you back:
1. He’s just not that into you
2. He’s imaginary
3. He’s a cat
Sometimes I wish I were Dorothy, because I really like dogs and also because I want to crush someone with a house.
The only thing worse than running, is running and going nowhere.
When famous people say that the key to great skin is like… simply washing with soap… I want them to go to jaiI for this.
I finally decided to unfollow someone who hasn’t tweeted in a year. They’ll probably come back tomorrow & make me look like a real c**t.
What idiot called it a meal of light colored carnival bus tickets of appropriate price and not a fair fair fair fare fare
Just hired 2 private detectives to follow each other. I’ll keep you guys posted.
Misery loves company.
Company: “I have a boyfriend.”