@Eden_Eats

What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for money?

I’ll go first: I went to college.

You Might Also Like

@WilliamAder

Took our cat to the vet today and, once again, she “forgot” her wallet.

@samalmightysam

You’re born, you grow up, have kids, Mick Jagger is still alive, you die, your kids have kids, Mick Jagger is still alive……

@dxblarssonENG

Top three reasons he doesn’t text you back:

1. He’s just not that into you
2. He’s imaginary
3. He’s a cat

@liv_thatsme

Sometimes I wish I were Dorothy, because I really like dogs and also because I want to crush someone with a house.

@Marlebean

Treadmills:
The only thing worse than running, is running and going nowhere.

@tweetrajouhari

When famous people say that the key to great skin is like… simply washing with soap… I want them to go to jaiI for this.

@Schmoodles

I finally decided to unfollow someone who hasn’t tweeted in a year. They’ll probably come back tomorrow & make me look like a real c**t.

@punmagnate

What idiot called it a meal of light colored carnival bus tickets of appropriate price and not a fair fair fair fare fare

@youknow_hoo

Just hired 2 private detectives to follow each other. I’ll keep you guys posted.