@Eden_Eats

What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for money?

I’ll go first: I went to college.

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@nachdermas

if the grim reaper is any indication, the afterlife is mostly farming

@HuttonGray

Just saw the book “Marriage for Dummies.”

Shouldn’t there be an “is” in there somewhere?

@karanbirtinna

Me: Its a bear! Quick play dead!

*falls down and covers himself with leaves*

Her: We’re in a zoo!!

@TheAlexNevil

Parent Fact: Sugar makes kids crazy.

Grandparent Fact: Vengeance is mine.

@RickAaron

Whole Foods just notified me that I’ve won a “Lifetime Supply of Fresh Kale” which in my case is one kale.

@humorandanimals

this is anya, she’s better at jenga than i could ever hope to be
(anyathegsd IG)

@direlog

i like how at the end of old movies it says ‘the end’ so you arent horrorstruck by the thought of a fictional universe persisting unobserved

@lisaxy424

“zombies aren’t real zombies aren’t real zombies aren’t real zombies aren’t real”

– me, walking my dog at night

@FINALLEVEL

Lol.. The Parrot is sticking to the code and won’t talk… Lol… I’m done.

@jbfan911

police: im sorry to both of you. your son set the school on fire.

parents: arson?

police: yes, your son.