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@LarkynSimony: What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
@Freudianscript: I need to stop Binge thinking.
@Elizasoul80: [At auto store]
Employee: How can we get you to walk out of here with 4 tires?
"Sir, you are wildly overestimating my strength."
@PascalSloths: Petting my dog with a spatula cause I'm too lazy to reach and he is too lazy to move closer
Why is there a spatula in my room?
@KyleDodsonFunny: Watching married couples argue in Bed Bath & Beyond is my Game of Thrones.
@UnFitz: A banana republic is just a regular republic that's happy to see you.