@Odiegirl9

What’s the first thing you notice when someone walks up to you?

Me: The audacity.

You Might Also Like

@mydmac

(At the dentist)

‘Your grinding isn’t good.’

Excuse me! I’ve never had a man complain before.

@LoveNLunchmeat

Not to brag, but at least six men have described me as “terrifying.”

@Robert_Beau

I just released a new fragrance, and the people on this elevator are not happy about it.

@Brampersandon_

[COPS]
*into radio* We’ve got a drunk man in the park who thinks he’s a lion tamer.

“SIR! PUT THE WHIP DOWN & STEP AWAY FROM THE CAROUSEL!”

@TheAlexP

*dog pokes me with nose*

*stop, it’s late*

(Dog looks at me with sad eyes)

*ugh, ok*

[sets up poker table for him and his friends]

@Rachelnoise

If by ticklish, you mean I’ll turn into a rabid chihuahua on bath salts if you come near my underarm, then yes I’m a little ticklish.