I now pronounce you internet boyfriend and girlfriend.
You may put your hand down your pants and kiss your phone.
What’s the problem, you said dress however I feel comfortable for meeting your parents and it turns out this SpongeBob SquarePants costume is very comfortable.
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Give a woman an inch and she probably won’t call you back.
Apparently asking the boss ” who ignited the fuse on your tampon?” will get you sent to HR.
“You think I’m smart, right?”
Not tonight baby, I’m too tired to fight.
Annnd that’s how the fight started.
YOUR PASSWORD IS TOO LITERAL PLEASE TRY AGAIN
ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW
The best call ever would be “Hey, it’s me!”, but from your dog…
1. Aww your dog’s calling you
2. Holy shit your dog can talk!!
Look, lady: Your boyfriend can either read Roman numerals or understand emojis, but you can’t have both.
I’m sorry I committed a home invasion but somebody had to do something about those carpets.
A long time ago….
“All you need is love.”