Jim is short for Jimberly. The short form for James is obviously Jam
You Might Also Like
Episcopalian sounds like a drunk person trying to call a cat
It’s 11:48 PM. You can’t sleep. Underneath your bed, there’s a creepy rustle, as the clown tries to quietly unwrap and eat a granola bar.
nobody:
90’s boybands:
(-(-_(-_-)_-)-)
i just realized my “for you” feed is actually as enjoyable a scroll as my “following” feed and i’ve never been more devastated in my life
I’ve watched this over 100 times and I still can’t figure out how he did this
Meanwhile at Wayne Industries…
‘Hey anyone else think it’s weird we make so much batman stuff here’
A solid knife fighting strategy is to move clockwise in increasingly larger circles until you reach a safe running distance.
I’m not stalking you. I’m trying to help you find that sock that you dropped behind the door before you left for work Wednesday at 7:04.
Dentist: it’s really crowded in your mouth, we’ll have to make space
Me: *spitting jolly ranchers into cup* guess I’ll save these for later
Harsh but true birthday card from my parents
I sure have purchased an inordinate amount of ringtones, for someone who keeps their phone on Silent.
My signature move at family dinners is waiting for someone to put their drink down at the table & then moving it when they go to the buffet.
Much like Camilla, I too take a rest after defeating an entire royal family.
*roundhouse kicks neighbor’s mailbox into street*
I DO NOT LIKE FAKE BARNS
“At this point, if the Zodiac Killer is still alive, he’s gonna reveal his identity just so people don’t think he’s Ted Cruz. “ – my wife
Yes I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.
Beyoncé: Ok now ladies let’s get in formation.
Ladies: Information about what?
Beyoncé: Dammit, ladies, we went over this.
A friend went on a cruise and when I asked how it went he said “well I didn’t throw up” and this is now my measurement of success for everything.
I think when calories reach a certain point snack companies should be allowed to say “You don’t want to know” on the nutrition label.
my daughter brought home a drawing from preschool today and when i asked enthusiastically “honey, did you draw this???” she replied “someone else did but i took it”
Treat her right or Pete Davidson will.
My husband said he needs to have sex and now he is mad at me. Apparently, asking ‘with each other’ was the wrong response.
You sure about that?
They should make a sister store to “Forever 21” called “So Now You’re 35” where you can buy sensible pants and soft sweaters & take naps.
Thinking, as I often do, about the time Yahoo News thought “Zooey Deschanel divorces Death Cab for Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard” meant she had left a man named Death Cab to pursue a relationship with the lead singer of the band Cutie
Hey, which Instagram filter takes out all the insecurities?
Is it lovers quarrel or lover squirrel?
either way, couples therapy is going great
Your name is just a compromise. It’s the one both your parents didn’t hate.
Cortana, where is the closest Taco Bell?
There’s a Weight Watchers meeting 1 mile away from you.
*Note to self: Never call Siri Cortana*
[walking quickly past the old lady I just held the door open for] this doesn’t mean you can order before me