@TuffyNyC: What's up with all these idiots on TV trying to talk to ghosts? I don't even wanna talk to the living.
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@sixfootcandy: You'd think my hair would be a little more cooperative considering how many times I blow it per week.
@UnFitz: Just changed the vacuum cleaner bag and I’m feeling pretty handy. Let me know if you want me to fix your transmission or your hadron collider.
@thelaurenobrien: How many times did people question the honesty of Shakira's hips before she finally decided to defend them in a song?
@Adyaces: Just slammed my foot on the pedal trying to impress a girl. Turns out she'd seen a bin opened like that before.