@1evilidiot

What’s with the attitude? I don’t know what’s gotten into you but I know what hasn’t.

What’s with the attitude? I don’t know what’s gotten into you but I know what hasn’t.

- @1evilidiot

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@gigi_k1

Everybody gangsta until the cockroach starts flying

@aveuaskew

The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.

@That_Damn_Duck

If you feel like your parents didn’t hug you enough as a child then it’s probably because they didn’t really want you.

Good talk.

@causticbob

I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig.

It’s not a beautiful poem, but it’s very deep.

@Aikiwomannc

Friend: How could lingerie ruin a romantic night?

Me: He fell asleep waiting for me to put it on. Never buy lingerie at IKEA.

@robfee

If u had Hitler & a guy who doesnt mute the keyboard on his iPhone in a room & could only kill one, would u give Hitler the dead guys phone?

@notacroc

ME: we can do this
GOOGLE SMART CAR: we can’t clear the bridge
ME: *mashes ‘im feeling lucky’ button*