@amndw2

What’s wrong with university websites, a short play:

*opens university homepage*
*types in search box: “calendar”, “academic calendar”, “JUST SHOW ME THE PAGE WITH THE ACADEMIC CALENDAR ON IT”*
*gives up*
*googles name of university + “academic calendar”*
*clicks hit #1*
~fin~

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Me, seductively sucking and licking my index finger in a flirtatious way.

[What he actually saw]

Me, gagging and drooling while fishing a popcorn kernel off the back of my throat.

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4-year-old: Why do robbers steal money?

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@not_thenanny

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@OctopusCaveman

Me: Remember when Rodney King got beat up and everyone had that weird party in LA?

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I took 3 advanced geometry classes at Penn State and still pick the wrong size lid for my coffee cup 70% of the time.

@MissSassy_Pants

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@Skoog

me: absolute shit technique

murderer: [stops stabbing me] what?