What’s your guide about?
Type “Explorer’s Guide to ______” and let your phone fill in the rest!
Mine is: Explorer’s Guide to you have got to be kidding me.
Well that’s the most on brand one I’ve ever done! Good job phone! 😆
#wildemount #critters #dnd
You Might Also Like
So in conclusion, the zoo would not adopt my children.
“I DO NOT DRINK TOO MUCH!!” I scream angrily at the neighbors garden gnome
I regret to announce that my five year old is responsible for the nation’s ketchup shortage.
All bottle caps are twist-offs if you have a prosthetic robot hand
An unintentionally hysterical ad offering proof why ‘branding’ always needs a second pair of eyes.
Remember, parents: your children look to you for guidance. Kids are dumb like that.
Apple Computer is taking steps to
protect user privacy.Their new policy is iWon’t tell…iPromise
What’s an appropriate gift for a gender reveal party? A personalized fire extinguisher?
what do tooth fairies do with the teeth they collect? what do they know that we don’t? are we getting ripped off
[driving test]
INSTRUCTOR: Any initial concerns?
ME: Volcanoes
I: About the test?
M: No
I: Ok then let’s go
M: *drives into active volcano*
*at a party*
peter: jesus keeps double dipping his chips. should we say something?
paul: we all saw him walk on water the other day. he brought a guy back from the dead last week. he seems to be in command of some pretty scary powers but, sure, go tell him to stop double dipping.
My most favourite thing to do at work is leave.
SPIN INSTRUCTOR: you can do this, you just have to want it
ME, NOT EATING ICE CREAM SANDWICHES IN BED: neat. what’s another way?
My sons consider “it’s bedtime” my first offer in the negotiation process
My boss always calls me Sweetypie when he wants me to get him coffee..I estimate he’s swallowed a bucket of my spit in the last 4 years..
*armadillo comes rolling back in the ball return*
“Wait.. if you’re here, then…”
*cut to wife sobbing at bowling ball* “UNCURL, FREDRICK!”
My autocorrect changed “graphic designer” to “groaning designer.” For once, it’s not wrong.
Let me make something perfectly clear.
– Anyone who has washed a window
waiter: what’ll it be?
me: I’ll have chameleon
waiter: that’s not on the menu
me: how can you be sure?
And satan said “let all the opinions of strangers on social media have an absurdly large effect on you” and it was so
A surprise Hunger Games competition for everyone who makes eye contact with me today in the office.
Topic: Excited about mustard!
MustardNewbie99: Hey guys! Just tried this french mustard and it really opened my eyes! Has anyone else tried it?
InTheCourtOfTheMustardKing
412,294 Posts
Registered 3/13/2002
[SUPER ADMIN – MANDATE OF HEAVEN]
No, we’ve never tried moutarde forte🙄
Women would be all over Bruce Wayne if he showed them the bat cave, but when I say… “hey wanna check out this cave under my house?”…. I get karate chopped
Interview
Bishop: Do you have any job-related questions?
Vicar: No
Bishop: What about the other Bible chapters?
[i go to put out my electronic cigarette on a framed photo of someone i used to love but it only taps the glass] damn this piss hell future.
Maybe I’m driving around with my coffee on the roof because I want to cool it down. YOU DON’T KNOW.
3: Who’s that on your shirt?
Me: Yoda, from Star Wars.
3: I don’t like him.
Me: YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Food hits floor*
Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”
King Germ: “No!!! We must wait 5 seconds……”
her: there’s a spider in the bath
me: ok, I’ll get him a little towel