You have to love a boss with a sense of humor. Mine just sent me a 7am meeting notice on Outlook and I’ve never laughed so hard…
When 13 witches collectively fart in a cauldron and quickly cover it with a lid…
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“Are you pro gay?” he asked. “Amateur at best,” I replied
Me: Did you get my RSVP to your open bar?
Friend: You mean my wedding?
Me: Yeah, sure!
Scar: Long live the king!
*lets Mufasa fall*
Mufasa: *while falling* Simba, this is totally your fault for being the woooooorst–
According to my next door neighbor’s diary I have “boundary issues” can you believe that?
Doc- it appears that you take everything way to seriously. You need to get your shit togeth… Oh no, what are you doing! No! Stop!
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
Scientists please just tell us when the world is gonna end so I can stop working out
No, sweetie. You can’t see the moon with vernaculars.