Her: Hi, I’m Cindi with two “i’s”
When a coworker says “This is all Greek to me”, I always assume they want me to punch them right in their throatopolis.
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Sorry baby I can’t open the car door for you you have to jump through the window. There’s a price to pay for being cool.
Watch closely as the husband quietly approaches the calm children, riles them up into a frenzy, then slyly escapes to watch football.
Baby I’m gonna rock your world but first give me an hour and a half to get these skinny jeans off
Sometimes you can’t just tell your kids to make good choices, you have to show them.
Which is why I’m having strawberry toaster strudel and carrot cake for breakfast.
Eat your fruits and veggies kids!
Just text my husband to tell him he left his phone behind & someone is calling him.
And now someone’s texting him.
Me *checking restaurant bill* we’ll split this
Her: What, really?
Me: It’s fairer
Her: But I didn’t have wine
Me: You had dessert though
Her: I am 6 years old
Me: Get your money out
Pastor: discipline your children as God disciplines his.
Me: so kick them out for eating an apple?
Me: rain down frogs?
Pastor: what the?
Me: plague them with locusts?
Me: I gotta say Padre, it kinda feels like I’m running out of options here.
Husband wanted me to go hunting today.
He bought me the cutest brown outfit and a cute lil hat, you know with the fake antl..wait a minute
HIM: so Paul says that you’re a real charmer *smiles*
ME:*whips out three snakes from my bag and a flute* you bet i am