Then Satan said, “Let’s convince everyone they need to go gluten free.” And that kids, was the Christmas fiasco of 2015.
When a meteorologist gets angry they storm out
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I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
Went to the dentist today. My teeth are fine. I just wanted to hear some of my songs.
*goes to bathroom
*takes out phone
*pulls pants up
*forgets to poop
To clean up or just move. This is the question.
Watches my wife cut the 2 yr. olds apple juice with water …
*Hauntingly second guesses every drink she’s ever mixed for me now
HARPER LEE: I don’t know what to call my novel
MOCKING BIRD: It’s probably garbage anyway
HARPER LEE [picking up a gun] ok I have one idea
INFURIATING COLLEAGUE: Morning people!
ME: Morning…you look good…
IC: Thanks, I feel good!
ME: So much for Voodoo.