@HollyMemphis: When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
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@pleatedjeans: me: can I buy you a drink? girl: sorry [holds up martini] already got one me: [spits in it] How about now?
@SteveSuckington: [talking to daughter's art major boyfriend] "You know who else had a pointy beard? Satan."
@Home_Halfway: ME: Is this Babies R Us CASHIER: Yes ME: No babies work here C: I know ME: It should be called Babies Were US C: ... ME: Get me your manager