@BDGarp

When a woman says “WHAT did you just say?” say something different.

You Might Also Like

@daddydoubts

Me: goodnight son I love you.

3yo:

Me: I said I love you.

3yo: I love milk.

Me: okay. *unplugs nightlight*

@OhNoSheTwitnt

If you think Jason Momoa has dad bod, please give me your dad’s phone number.

@NoticablyBacon

Everything I know about the Royal family has been learned against my will

@TheCatWhisprer

Accidentally switched the baby formula with coconut milk and now my newborn is complaining that her lullabies are “too mainstream.”

@PapaPreaches

Having kids is like living with an on-line troll you can’t unfollow.

@GoldenSpirals

Apparently…
Border Security does NOT think it’s funny when you reply,

“I’m hungry”

when they ask you if you have anything to declare.

@AndyAsAdjective

my dance moves can best be described as “did that dude just try to leap frog?” & “whoa that’s a lot of blood” & “is he still alive?”

@notviking

me: i love cars

date: oh cool! i love cars too

me: [waving for check] i don’t think i can be with someone that prefers cars 2

@Lisabug74

Shout out to the pack of wolves that raised me to be the lady I am today.