@meganamram: When an ex mansplains something to you it's called "explaining"
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@ch000ch: I wanna get HAMMERED tonight. Seriously? Yeah, drunk as hell, bro. Riiight. Of course, of course. *quietly slides hammer back into sleeve*
@farouq_yahaya: I was passing by, and I saw this guy in the bush shouting "Help, snake help" I just laughed because I knew the snake wasn't going to help him "
@captainkalvis: me: thank you for that glass of milk earlier sperm bank employee: what glass of milk me: the glass of milk that was sitting on your desk sperm bank employee: oh my god me: what sperm bank employee: you drank my glass of milk