@davidgrossTV

When another writer is telling you about their latest script deal.

You Might Also Like

@Bob_Heller

Hey ladies, if you want a free pelvic exam, I suggest you try the old “gyne and dash.”

@Holy_Mowgli

BOSS: that wraps up our meeting. does anyone have anything to add?
COWORKER WHO HAS NOTHING TO ADD: i have something to add

@ChaseMit

“We’re not so different, you and I,” Mitt Romney said to a stack of white printer paper.

@sarabellab123

4: Mommy, do I look like a taco?

(I pause, consider the question and remind myself I’m dealing with a highly irrational creature)

Me: Do you want to look like a taco?

4: Yes!

Me: You look exactly like a taco.

@I_am_Lukem

I don’t understand why people get excited about carbon dating.

But then perhaps I just haven’t met the right pencil.

@ibid78

-What should we name this creature w/ big feet?
“Bigfoot”
-And this w/ saber teeth?
“Sabertooth”
-And this beaverduck?
“Platypus”
-wtf dude

@76coop

20 yrs from now they’ll make a movie on how Leonardo DeCaprio never won an Oscar. Plot twist the actor playing him wins an Oscar.