@Shade510

When customer service said the wait time was approximately 278 minutes, I wasn’t sure if they were trying to get me to hang up or they were going into RENT the Musical.

You Might Also Like

@NathanBgood

Why, yes, that is a banana in my pocket!
*removes banana*
How did you know?
*begins to peel & eat banana*
I’m still glad to see you though.

@UtahMomsLife

My father-in-law has 28 grandchildren and 45 great grandchildren and he has an excel spreadsheet that he refers to regularly so he can remember all their names.

@MamaFizzles

My son says I only had kids so I could make them do chores. Like yes, I made a bunch of messy, whiny poop machines so they could cry while doing a crap job of cleaning that I just have to redo later.

@Matchema

Since when did ‘scrotum brown’ become a cool colour to buy a jeep in?

@ikpsgill1

gf: you should learn from your mistakes
me: ok! so teach me

@bourgeoisalien

When I die, I’m donating my body to the theater department. The science department has enough bodies. I want to be a theater prop.

@Stellacopter

Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I’d be like cool I’m going home to eat.

@imence2

“So you think you can dance.” should be the title of a Lifetime movie about strippers.