Why, yes, that is a banana in my pocket!
How did you know?
*begins to peel & eat banana*
I’m still glad to see you though.
When customer service said the wait time was approximately 278 minutes, I wasn’t sure if they were trying to get me to hang up or they were going into RENT the Musical.
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My father-in-law has 28 grandchildren and 45 great grandchildren and he has an excel spreadsheet that he refers to regularly so he can remember all their names.
My son says I only had kids so I could make them do chores. Like yes, I made a bunch of messy, whiny poop machines so they could cry while doing a crap job of cleaning that I just have to redo later.
Since when did ‘scrotum brown’ become a cool colour to buy a jeep in?
gf: you should learn from your mistakes
me: ok! so teach me
When I die, I’m donating my body to the theater department. The science department has enough bodies. I want to be a theater prop.
Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I’d be like cool I’m going home to eat.
Kinda bullshit that alcohol isn’t considered a work expense, but ok
“So you think you can dance.” should be the title of a Lifetime movie about strippers.