ME: lololol can’t believe my parents don’t understand how to attach a document to an email lolol
ALSO ME: what is taxes help i am so confused and also the only thing I can cook is popcorn
When did razors get so expensive?
Three more payments and I’ll be able to shave
You Might Also Like
I don’t know much about fashion. I assume a leotard is an idiot born between July 23 & August 22.
2016: No way will Trump win the election
2017: No way will President Trump fire all those nukes
2018: No way we’re doing what those Apes say
ME: I promise it will be different this time
THE BOOKS I NEVER READ: *throwing the flowers I brought into the compost*
My 3 moods:
1. I’m too tired for this shit
2. I’m too old for this shit
3. I’m too sober for this shit
I always wear running shoes while driving because you won’t know what the terrain will be like until after the cop pulls you over.
Y’all ever rage clean your kids’ toys so hard that whoever goes to Goodwill next week is going to hit the Jackpot?
Pro tip: “Hold my drink” is not a proper response to “License and registration, please.”
Dont lie about your job, just word it better.
Ex: “I handle client transactions at a fortune 500 multi-national corp”
“I cashier at KFC”
Since they won’t vote anyway, Obama should make the GOP look bad by nominating a bald eagle holding a picture of Jesus to the Supreme Court.