@Eightinchgoat: When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It's done, but there's blood everywhere!"
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@Gupton68: So, when she said she wanted a ‘fairy-tale’ romance, she didn’t actually want me to eat her grandma or lock her in a tower? Dating is hard.
@Holy_Mowgli: Clark Kent: *absentmindedly takes off his glasses* Lois Lane: oh my god are you … a plane?
@eeethanford: But I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more to be the man who walked 1000 miles to get away from you. I want a divorce.
@guskenworthy: nothing makes me happier than searching "colon" on twitter and seeing all the people who have misspelled cologne...