When I get calls from unknown numbers I panic, decline and then wait for the voicemail like I’m about to be murdered.

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Being fluent in Spanish is all fun and games until you’re put in a professional setting and all you know is Spanish del rancho


Prescription commercials are always so touching until the last minute or so when they explain how their product could kill you.


The only spanish I know is from the song Feliz Navidad, so these last few days have been my time to shine.


My grandma sent the entire newspaper to me in the subject line of an email.


[driving test]
INSTRUCTOR: Any initial concerns?
ME: Volcanoes
I: About the test?
M: No
I: Ok then let’s go
M: *drives into active volcano*


Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I’m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that’s cheating?


what everyone’s tl looks like now that we can retweet ourselves


16: Why do I have to go to college?

Me: It’s the next big step on your journey.

16: My journey where?

Me: Out of this house.


[1st date]
ME: We should totally go Dutch.
HIM: I wasn’t raised that way.
ME: *sadly looking at my wooden shoes* Okay.