@six4j: When I leave the gym, I feel sculpted like the great greek god Hippopotames
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@IamEveryDayPpl: My daughter, a hair stylist, has a tiny pair of scissors tattooed behind her ear with tiny red teardrops for clients she accidently stabbed.
@dafloydsta: [first day working at Viagra] BOSS: We need a new slogan. ME: *sweating* This is really hard. BOSS: You're a goddamn genius, Johnson.
@DurtMcHurtt: My doctor just used a tongue depressor on me so I'm going out for ice cream to cheer the little guy up.
@CanadianCyn: This pill bottle says 'Take with plenty of fluids' and 'Don't take with alcohol'. That doesn't even make sense.