What if Adele was calling from inside the house?!
When I realized my boyfriend said we should ‘break up’ & not ‘break dance’,
I was sad, but also relieved.
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My German girlfriend said she wants me to eat her Kürbiskuchen. I was aroused.
I found out it means pumpkin pie. Now I’m more aroused.
I dunno but if I was a “doctor to the stars” I sure wouldn’t be bragging about it these days
Just so u know guys I literally covered my roommates bed in 324 pieces of cornbread 2 make it a “cornbed” so ur fakes puns mean nothing 2 me
You should see the confused look on the produce clerk’s face when I ask where I can find kale and then walk in the opposite direction that they’re pointing to.
We are never going to defeat the Decepticons, they are too good. I mean Bumblebee can’t even talk!
If only ISIS had kidnapped Liam Neeson’s daughter, none of this would be an issue.
“And what will you do if you’re crowned Miss Universe?”
“I will have a special prosecutor put the first runner up in jail.”
HER: It looks like you work out
ME: *adjusting the tissues in my sleeves* Oh yeah, big time worker outer
a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said… don’t do it man … you will never here the end of it!