@Tups13: When I receive an invoice that says ‘early settlement would be appreciated’ I build them a Neolithic village.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Guess what I did Me: Captured Bigfoot? Wife: I got a great deal on kid's clothes Me: Just so I'm clear, Bigfoot is still out there?
@saucy_peaches: Had a talk with 12. M: Do you know what a period is? 12: Yes, mom, it's the dot at the end of the sentence. M: ... 12: ... M: Good talk
@ROSEandDAYFIELD: My mother was, let's just say, not perfect. She'd routinely leave my little sister and I in the van for hours while she gambled. And even though we were patched-in to the casino security cameras and feeding her info through an earpiece, she still managed to blow hand after hand.