@Douchekevin: When I see babies who breastfeed crying I know it's because they don't have Oreos to go with the milk.
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@BFNotAllowed: My boyfriend isn't allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
@faisaladam_: If a girl says she loves you, do you tell her thank you or run away screaming? Asking for a dad. Seriously, asking for a dad. I need a dad.
@caithuls: ‘Drinking water successfully’ is out ‘Drinking water and letting it fall out the side of your mouth somehow and then down your chin and also to your shirt and oh god you’re sitting and the pants got hit too’ is in
@: Hogwarts doesn’t teach anything but magic because if one wizard learns law the school with a child-bludgeoning tree is the first thing getting sued.