@joeldanger: When I see guys with skinny jeans and skin tight T's on I pretend they are actual giants who woke up tiny and just had nothing else to wear.
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@thestlouisan: ME: A restful night's sleep sounds nice BRAIN: Here's a dream about an owl with teeth
@Angibangie: [Carpool] Me: Look, it's a long commute and I only have time to eat in the car Co-worker: But I can't see the road over your fajita station Me: *chewing* Sounds like a you problem
@MarkusJ: finally, the ants are going to rise up and claim their rightful place as masters of this wretched planet