@sucittaM: When I see people running to catch the elevator I'm on I yell "HURRY! YOU GOTTA SMELL THIS!".
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@mermaidsluvwine: Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.
@mistermelbee: NUTRITION FACT: If you drink a gallon of water per day, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy peeing. Stay hydrated my friends.
@WillGlenwright: Me: Bed time Hotel room: Good luck turning the lights off Me: Easy. This one Hotel: No. Bed light Me: This one? Hotel: Desk light Me: This one? Hotel: LOL You just turned on the curtain lights Me: WTF? And that light in the wardrobe? Hotel: 2400lux stadium lighting Alarm: wake up
@bobvulfov: [car dealership] WIFE: let me do the talking, ur a terrible negotiator SALESMAN: u can drive off with this car for 18k ME: we'll double that
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