@Social_Mime

When I want to trim down my friend’s list on FB I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.

You Might Also Like

@birbigs

Why does Garfield hate Mondays? He doesn’t have a job.

@OhNoSheTwitnt

What idiot decided to call it a narcotics-sniffing dog instead of a drug lab?

@david8hughes

Make good choices because ghosts are stuck with the haircut they died with.

@Mom_Overboard

Therapist: and what do we do when we’re feeling sad?

Me: put on a flowy duster and a fringed scarf and sing along to Landslide on repeat while we sway back and forth and channel the goddess Stevie

Therapist [downloading Fleetwood Mac]: this session is on me

@Sanbel11

-Come on, it’s time to go

-No

-We are going to be late

-I hate school

-But Mum, you have to take me!

@TheOneTrueDisco

[Texts to 14]
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
[Reply]
OMG DAD WAT?
[Text]
Hi

@JediGigi

[at bar]
Him: Why’s a pretty girl like you sitting all alone?
Me: I peed my pants.