How powerful must it feel for the dentist to start referring to your teeth by their secret “numbers” to the hygienist
when i was a little girl, grocery carts were free range; you’d see them all over town, in ditches, ponds; free.
now, they’re locked in chain gangs, selling themselves for quarters. sad.
You Might Also Like
Toy Story 2: Toy Fast Toy Furious
Toy Story 3: Toykyo Drift
Toy Story 4: Toy Meets World
Toy Story 5: Toynado
Toy Story 6: Lotso’s Revenge
Toy Story 8: Toy Yoda-thon
Toy Story 9: The Fate of the Toys
Say no to drugs. Say yes to the dress. Say anything to John Cusack. Say you say me to Lionel Richie. Say say say to Paul McCartney.
wife: I know it’s hard, but crying and throwing things isn’t going to make it easier
son: What’s wrong with dad?
wife: He’s trying to figure out your math homework
ME: Between 10 & 11 p.m. I was having sex
JUDGE: Who are you? You’re not even in this trial
M: I know, I just want it on record
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
*pokes sex life with a stick
Yesterday I asked my 12-year-old son what other kids at school think about him having 2 dads.
His response: They don’t care but they don’t like how I’m immune to “Yo Mama” jokes.
Good things about drinking on the plane:
1. You don’t have to drive.
2. No matter how much you drink, they can’t throw you out.
Interviewer: what would you say is your biggest weakness?
Me: *high pitched mocking voice* what would you say is your biggest weakness?