@fluffysuse: When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be. Will I be pretty, will I be rich? Here's what she said to me:
GO TO SLEEP.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MarkusJ: *first astronaut lands on Mars* NASA: How does it feel son? Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band
@TheMichaelRock: Her text: I'm tanning. Call you when I'm done. My thoughts: SHE'S NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED
@TweetPotato314: detective: looks like someone cut the victim open mortician: that was me detective: *into wire* we got em
@OutOfLeftField_: If you hate awkward silences, then necrophilia isn't for you.
@dafloydsta: [1st day working at appliance store] CUSTOMER: How do I turn this dishwasher on? ME: *leans in close and whispers* Foreplay
COMMENTS