ENTRY LEVEL JOB OPENING:
Hiring recent college grads
5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and superpowers.
When I was younger I wished Hulk Hogan would be the president. Now that I’m older I wish Hulk Hogan would be the president.
You Might Also Like
*teaching 13 to cut the grass
Me: Go back and forth across in straight lines, slightly overlapping so you don’t miss any spots. Got it?
13: *cuts three circles, two triangles and a Rhombus into the yard.
Obviously this cat thinks I won’t punch a cat
[after plane flies upside down for a full minute]
pilot: sorry about that turbulence folks i was having a nightmare
An octopus can get so stressed
out – it will actually eat itself.
Octopuses call that “leg day.”
A new study says vegetarians
die younger than smokers, on average, so don’t smoke your vegetables…
Saw a vulture hauling a carcass across the highway. Thought of you
“these fit like a glove,” i whisper, sliding effortlessly into my five legged pants
CINDERELLA: were you always my fairy godmother
FAIRY GODMOTHER: yes, always
CINDERELLA: so you watched my stepmother horribly mistreat me for years and did nothing
FAIRY GODMOTHER: look what i can do to this pumpkin
[Life after lockdown]
My Hairstylist: WTF