When I’m depressed I like listening to Alanis Morupset

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just because i loved you at one point does not mean i will always love you… I am not Whitney Houston


Keys just don’t make me laugh as much as they did when I was a baby.


every cat falls into one of the following categories:
• looks like it knows how to use a sword but refuses to teach you
• looks like it just finished eating an éclair


Hey. Do these camo pants make me look fatigued?


I’m so lazy, I’ll only walk my fingers through your hair.


Today I had a mild panic attack over the fact I will die someday. Then I bought some shit on Amazon.

Your mom is a hermaphrodite.


my kid thought that we eat kidneys and liver from humans

what scares me is that she didn’t care


“And thou shalt know those whom God has chosen for eternal salvation in the following manner: they shall retweet this.” Revelation 4:12.