@Wine_Honey1

When I’m exercising with my cats, I barely make it through track one on my playlist before I need a nap in someone’s yard.

*gets arrested for trespassing

You Might Also Like

@Try2StopME

15000 CCTVs 2b installed in Delhi 4r Obama’s visit.

This is ridiculous. Just because he’s black doesnt mean he’ll steal anything. Racists!

@delusions_of

We’re born alone. We die alone. And in between we search for our car keys alone.

@TheMichaelRock

Why is everyone mad at Kim Davis? Nobody in the government does their job.

@LurkAtHomeMom

Watch closely as the husband quietly approaches the calm children, riles them up into a frenzy, then slyly escapes to watch football.

@TheNYAMProject

You just know that years after all this is over, we’re all gonna be the batty grandparents chasing after our kids as they leave with our arms full of toilet paper like “TAKE THIS YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU’LL NEED SOME AND THERE WON’T BE ANY.”

@dumbbeezie

Sometimes my sarcasm doesn’t deliver well and people miss the message. Anyway that’s why I’m stabbing you.

@SteveSuckington

“Ok, identify the noun in this sentence. Timmy is stupid.”

Timmy: stupid?

“Exactly”

@iGreenGod

Pro Tip : Give the person interviewing you “something to remember” doesn’t means giving them a bite mark.

@OakHill_

FINE!!

So I misread the ad

Apparently, The Cartel doesn’t NEED a drug snuggler