PRIEST: The couple has chosen to write their own vowels
HER: Shouldn’t it be –
When life gives you melons,
wear a low cut top.
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Give me a minute, I can make this about me.
Lonely nights, we’ve all been here. Pretending to choke so someone hugs you. Pretending a jellyfish stung you so someone pees on you. Usual.
She asked for my name, if I’m alone, had me remove belt/shoes & take out what I have in my pants. Interactions w/TSA agents are underrated.
Turns out that when asked which was my favourite of all the X-Men that “Caitlyn Jenner” was not a valid answer.
If this cat doesn’t stop trying to lick my plate, we’re having Chinese for dinner tomorrow.
*wipes pizza grease & sauce off mouth*
When I see my cat watching out the window, fascinated, I sit beside her and say, ‘Look, Simba. Everything the light touches is our kingdom.’
No.1: “I do nothing.”
No.2: “I do nothing.”
No.3: “I do nothing.”
No.4: “I SET BREAD ON FIRE!”
Brew coffee. Chill coffee. Use coffee instead of water to make Twice-Brewed Coffee. Win Nobel Prize. Begin to glow, levitate. Eat building.