@Tadicles

When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music” , but when I do it I’m “wasted” and “have to leave the Hardware Store”

When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music” , but when I do it I’m “wasted” and “have to leave the Hardware Store”

- @Tadicles

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@amechamecha

After spending 20 minutes trying to get my girlfriends bra off, I decided to give up.

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@MarfSalvador

Me: Forgive me father I have sinned

Priest: Get out of my house

M: But it’s a big sin

P: *sigh* Speak child

M: I broke into your house

@werehedgehog

*yawns so wide a bird flies into mouth*
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*looks around to see if anyone noticed*
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@BonaFideIntent

HR:
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HR:..87. Karen has lost 87 PERCENT VISION..
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Me: *eats cheese stick*

@TheCatWhisprer

Hello Darkness, my old frie- *the lights suddenly turn on* oh it’s like that now?

@RidiculousDak

I found a video of a duck falling asleep and I’m convinced it’s the cutest video ever

@gorrdano

A forest fire is the world’s way of adding black trees to the forest community.

@tarashoe

i slap your apartment floor and ask you what year it was made. you don’t understand so i do exactly the same thing again