In Soviet Russia, butter can’t believe it’s not you
When my cat has an accident on the carpet, he hides to escape responsibility. It’s a, “shit and run”.
You Might Also Like
*Arrives at work 2 hrs late
Boss: HR wants to see you about your behavior
Me: Well, I literally just got here so it couldn’t have been me
I’m 34 years old and I still don’t know what to do when the barber shows me the back of my head with that little mirror.
*touches a turtel* *dies*
*touches a plant* *dies*
wow mario are u allergic to evreything or wat
Looks like ur Vine went viral.
Sorry ur VEIN went viral…you have a fatal blood disease.
“So wait–my Vine didn’t go viral?”
iPhone 6: For people who don’t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
Police Officer: whose drugs are these?
Owen, my pet snake: hissssssss
Me: Owen wtf
Him: You’re amazing! I’m having a great time!
Me: I will fight you for the rest of this pizza.
Century: 100 years.
Decade: 10 years
Lustrum: 5 years.
Together forever and ever and ever: 2 weeks.