me: we need to go to the ATM machine
thomas: lol ATM machine. isnt that a bit redundant you idiot
me (thinking about my Automatic Thomas Murdering machine): this is why we need to go to the ATM machine
When my co-worker asked me if I wanted anything from the vending machine, I can tell she wasn’t expecting me to say 4 Snickers bars.
You Might Also Like
FOR SALE: golden retriever puppies don’t worry they are not haunted. also they don’t have swords. no ghosts or swords. ok i lied they are full of ghosts and wielding so many swords
*wakes up in cold sweat*
SHOULDN’T ELEVATORS BE CALLED SOMETHING ELSE ON THE WAY DOWN?
Her: Wow this place is posh
Me: *clicks fingers* Garçon, we’d like to order food
Me: No, on plates, you fool
[End of day 1, building Rome]
Builder: We’ve finished, boss
Boss: For God’s sake, keep your voice down, we can drag this job out for weeks
When I’m mad at my dog, I watch dog shows on Animal Planet and ignore him.
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
I need ten thousand dollars in unmarked avocados.
do you generate electricity with water through the process of hydropower because dam
Parenting is all about multitasking. Like trying to brush your teeth while you’re rock climbing.