@JPHaddadio: When my neighbor's bed starts rhythmically hitting the wall, I like to drum back. Last night, we had a real jam session going.
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@thatdutchperson: [zoo] Kid: monkeys are dumb. Why do they keep throwing poop at each other? Me:*on my phone, leaving angry Facebook comments* I know, right?
@PaperWash: Giving someone a Dunkin Donuts gift certificate for their birthday is the perfect way to say "I love you" and "I hate you" at the same time